How To Survive Life as a Mediocre Villian
by MyStErY1205
Summary: Cyborg finds an interesting notebooknovel by Gizmo and begins to read it. No pairings for now. One OC at the moment, maybe more later.


Authors Notes: This is my first real fic. It will, eventually, try to delve deeper into Gizmo's physce and Cyborg's understanding. At this point there is no romance, as in my version Gizmo is only 13 and therefore probably hasn't gotten up the nerve to tell anyone about his crushes. I have no beta. If you wish to beta, lemme know! Thankies!

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, comics or cartoon. If I did it would still be alive!

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_Cyborg glanced through the room. Gadgets littered the floor and sloppily made bed. Comics and nuclear physics books stood in stacks together. Some half assembled tech stood on a desk, the only clean thing in the room, with blue prints next to it. The robot glanced over the documents and whistled through his teeth as he saw the blasters equipped the tiny android. One heck of a weapon for a little tyke to carry._

_Then Cyborg noticed that, apart form blueprints, gadget and pencils, there was another object on the desk. It was a small, forest green leather bound book, like a diary. Not a girly diary though. Interested, Cyborg glanced around and picked up the book. After all, Robin had told him to research Gizmo thoroughly. He glanced down at the first words and began to read._

How to Survive Life as a Mediocre Villian by Gizmo

There are a few simple rules to surviving life as a villain. If we all knew those, we'd be stinkin' rich and could take over the world and vie at one another for status. Unfortunately, nobody knows all those rules. I think Slade knows a fair share. The Brain knew some, and that's dandy for them. I honestly don't give a monkey's behind about those rules. No really, never, ever, give away something you have(or don't have, in this case). It's stupid. Anyway, the rules that I care about are the rules of being a mediocre, pawn-type villain. Not much of a status, I guess, but hey! We get cash, and we tend to stay alive. It's actually a pretty sweet deal.

You see, the guys up top who know the big league rules, they aren't that great. I mean, look at Slade. Halloween-obsessed anyone? And he makes his apprentices dress like mini versions of himself, not to mention all his robots. I may only be twelve, but I know a narcissist when I see one. He and Trident should get together. And the Brain is really stupid. I mean, build yourself a body! Then again, fighting pig-sniffers like the titans, he didn't have to worry. They wouldn't think of anything as remotely sensible as maybe throwing a rock at the jar and cracking it. Oh no. We must freeze them in a high tech way that can be undone instantly by any of the number of villains who weren't there! It all makes sense.

This leads me to rule one of the rules I will let you know. Because you're a stupid crud-brained idiot who needs all the help you can get, unless you're a teen titan who's somehow in my room and NOT blasted into oblivion. In that case, you're a crud-brained idiot who is too far gone for help.

**Rule #1 Never, ever, try to become a big-time villain. You will (a) die, (b) become good somehow, (c) actually do it, which is the worst by far.**

Or you could act like Terra and do all three. I never got all of that, wasn't really involved, but my source among the titans gave me pretty reliable information on the basics. Boy, what a little turncoat she was. Wishy-washy! Everything's going all good, she's a good guy, yippee. Suddenly, one little thing goes wrong, bad guy. She becomes obviously over powered and she cries a few big fat tears, changing sides again. Now I hear she's back and now she wants to be a civilian, claiming no memory. Yeah right. And I'm Cyborg.

But really, my rule is well founded. Jinx, that traitor, she wanted to be big time. We'd be sitting around, making pillow forts, having the time of our lives. Everything was good. Life Threatening Plots were being enacted, the titans were running around like ants whose hill had been knocked over, and the only thing we had to worry about was some lame kid who likes making red and gold stripes by scurrying around. Maybe he read Harry Potter books and was obsessed with Gryffindor. Honestly, I don't give a flying banana. But all of a sudden she starts screaming at us, all "He's success on a ticket! You're all parking meters!" Or something. I didn't exactly listen. I was busy tying Kid Wykked's cape to the couch. He had quite a surprise when he tried to get up…

I digress. So Jinx started freaking out and made us catch him for her and put him in a cage. Billy said something along the lines of "kinky" and she blasted him into oblivion, also known as a wall that I had writing "Oblivion" all over. So he wakes up and they talk for a bit and then she calls freaking Madame ROUGE on us and he runs away. Duh. So suddenly, she's yelling at me to build a freaking Lever Four Containment field. Because every twelve year old genius has the high tech gear to build that kinda stuff just lying around, right? Okay, so I did, but the point is that if I hadn't visited The Ghost(more on that later) just before the museum break in, she'd have been one dead duck.

So I build this thing, with Kiddo sticking around trying to mess me up and peek into our rooms (stalker behavior, if I ever saw it. And I went to a school for villains, so you can bet I saw it.) But we of course make sure we don't catch him because that's falling into the line of major villain, with Jinx running around actually trying to catch him and failing miserably. What a snot brain. And to think I had a mini-crush on her at HAEYP, the little traitorous witch.

Now, we all know that heroes aren't the smartest. But this guy deserved a medal in idiocy. With both Rouge and Jinx running after him, he still decided that the brightest thing to do would be to flirt with Jinx. Musta burned his brain cells from running too fast. I mean seriously, what a great planner! So Madame Rouge attacks him and uses all her super play-dough-like powers to beat him up. Yippee. Then Jinx sprays water at him. Very scary Jinx. Run away from the newest Dorothy in Oz! Anyway, so she puts him in my containment field, yells at Rouge a bit, then freaking BREAKS my field! Mood swings much? I spent good time on that and if she didn't want it anymore, she could have at least let me recycle the parts! Does she even apologize? No! She just blows us off and disappears! Ugh.

We don't see her forever until the Brotherhood of Weevils decided that their master plan needed us after all. Then she turns up and what does she do? Attacks us for her little boyfriend. I hear she's been let into the titans now. Shows how snot brained they are. Yes, someone who switches loyalty at the drop of a hat just so she can snog some guy in spandex really seems like someone I'd want on my team. But since when have the Teen Titters ever thought logically?

In any event, it was her fault we were frozen. Freaking annoying. Why aren't we frozen anymore, you ask? Hah, that just shows how snot brained you really are! But it does bring me to my second rule…

**Rule #2 Whenever you deal in the big leagues, always have a back up plan. Even better, have a lot of back up plans. Be prepared for everything.**

Now, I'm not saying be a boy scout or anything. What I mean is when you collaborate with big time villains and all their spit then you need to figure on the fact that they are going to fail. I mean seriously, have you ever heard of a villain succeeding? Didn't think so. So you have to plan on them failing miserably.

I had the dubious honor of working on the freezing machine with Chang-a-lang. I turned the situation to my advantage. All I had to do is insert a chip in my backpack here, another there and boom! Escape Plan A was born. Whenever my backpack cooled to a temperature below -15 Degrees Celsius, it instantly started heating up at the same time as it projected a holographic image of me still frozen. Once the Titans left, I could unfreeze the rest of the team and we were back on track. A good plan if I say so myself.

Of course, there was always the chance that it might just fail. So Escape Plan B was born. I believe I mentioned that I have a source among the Titans. She's a pretty good friend, not someone I'd want to be seen in public with for the dubious reasons that she is good and I'm evil, but we watch each other's backs and sometimes give one another information. Nothing traitorous, per say, just general interest. She told me about the Terra thing, I let her know not to say too much on her communicator if she could help it. Anyway, I have pretty good reason to know that she doesn't want me to be frozen forever. So if Plan A had failed, which it didn't, she would have unfrozen me.

**Rule #3 Information is key. Get it. **

This includes info on both heroes and villains. Now, I get it through two sources, mainly, sometimes more. Now my main hero source in one of the Teen Titans. A girl, obviously, all the guys on their team are god-awful weird. Like Robin, all "I must be a bigheaded hotshot! I must think logically when I do not need to and never think logically when I do need to! I want to "do the sex" with Starpyre!" and Beastie Boy: "I'm green! I want to have sex with Terra!" And Cyborg who is just stupid and probably can't have sex anyway.

Yes, I know about sex. Duh! I'm on a team with teenage _boys_. You learn things. Besides, in a couple weeks I'll be a teenager. Maybe my education has been uncongenial but I still had a sex ed class. Watching Blood teach…it was such a stinkin' laugh. Stupid bed wetter, he was as physco as they make crud sniffers these days.

Anyway, so I have my lovely and anonymous source among the titans, and then I have my villain source. She goes by The Ghost and she isn't exactly a villain, per se. She's pretty much a tech wiz and supplies all the villains, even me! She gives me spare parts, odds and ends mostly, but more importantly, she gives me information. Hey, friends tell friends when they've just gotten a big order for sladebots! Us elite villains who can actually make stuff ourselves just get parts, but mostly she gets orders for machines. Control freaks remote? She made it! Red X's new belt? She gave him the parts and refills of the Xyn-stuff whenever he needs it. She gives Slade parts, but he leaves the sladebots up to her because he's busy trying not to die…again. So she gives me all the info on all the villains and in return, if she wants something, I steal it for her, or buy it. I visit her every week, even if I don't need stuff. I guess she's my best friend. Jinx used to be, but that kinda died when she became a crud muffin traitor! Billy and Mammoth share stupidity so they hang out and See-More and Wykked have always been close, so I go to The Ghost. That's all you need to know about her for now. One new rule then I gotta run. Time to show the titans that we're ba-ack!

**Rule #4 If you are in a mood for a fight, you don't have to steal. Just pick up any object and twenty titans with be around you, with a defibrillator. **

"_Cy?" The half-man jumped when Robin's call jerked him out of his reading. He'd been engrossed in the booklet; it was interesting. There was a lot that Gizmo said that interested him. Why had they never heard of The Ghost before? Who was she? Gizmo was going to be 13? Who the hell was Gizmo's source among the Titans/ Starfire, Raven, Bumble Bee, Argent, Kole, Melvin, Jinx…there weren't that many girls in the titans. It did clear up just how the Hive Five, of all the frozen villains, had managed to come back. _

_"Coming Rob. Nothing interesting here." He wanted to read more of this before Robin took it and held it as evidence. Who knows what he might learn?_

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A/N: YAY! Please review!


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